• Last week Oxford Student Editor Alexandra Baxter was in the studio, introduced as the Editor of the Cherwell. If she was a biscuit, which one would she be? What's your step-to-step guide to a successful hug? Sorry, who are you again?
  
• Next week Tristan's fantastically bizarre interview with Howard Goodall.
  
• Valentine's Day 3 blind-dates live in the studio, persuading them that unlike other men John lasts the whole drink through.

FEATURING:

• 'Alternative Alarm Clock of the Week'. Car crashes, 50 caliber M2 machine-gun fire, and last week the most terrifying noise of all... village cricket.
  
• Birthday Emo Bingo. Play along at home. If you're the first to get five in a row stand up and shout 'I'm going to cut myself' and then sit down again / Whoever gets the first fatality wins.
  
• The now infamous 'Quickly! Change-into-a-banana-costume!' The Loo-paper Leaderboard is led by John's 22 Seconds, with Ian 'live and nude' Moss trailing admirably at 1 minute 26.(At least that filled up some time. We haven't even had to resort to '30 Seconds of Panic' or 2 minutes of silence to remember the dead yet...)
  
• The originally named 'Quiz' (listen to the clip below!) A while back John failed to answer correctly 'Question One: True or False?'
  
• Phone a Cambridge Don. We contacted two last week. The hit-list of the numbers of their Lords, Sirs and Professors are genuinely in our hands.
  
• The 'Fun Half Hour!' includes a track of our Producer's odd musical tastes. We've had a bagpipe sextet, ocarina quintet, South African penny whistling, and the John and John team performing in a Stylophone Quartet. However, Percy has now gone too far: having literally spent years researching, rumour he it he's finally purchased the most old-man instrument of all.. an harmonium.
  
• Specially composed 'Somerville Choir', and 'Mouse' John and John Jingles, and John's Birthday Song. Oh, and apparently a recent study suggests the more birthdays you have the longer you live.

COMPETITIONS:

• Congratulations to Fred from Somerville as the winner of the worst poem possible to send a Valentine. Definitely unpublishable.
  
• Hertford's Max O'Shea from Hertford was closest to the number of Push-Ups John and Alex could do before collapsing whilst being interviewed. He has now received the unspeakable birthday present John unwrapped live on air.
  
• And Alex Parker wins the unofficial 'Quick-Firing the Most Annoying Questions in the Least Time' to our Producer in the chat room. E.g. 'Percy, on a scale of 0 to 5.367, how do you rate Rothko's art?'
  
• Lines still open (              07981 119355       ) for the Potato-Chopper of the Year Competition. Oh,and whilst you're at it, vote Obama.

YOU'VE MISSED:

• Stalk Your Ex.
  
• John reading out confidential Oxford Scholarship Application information live on air.
  
• The John and John Show's Guinness Book of Records Attempt

• Our mid-February Christmas Special (!) where we also visit Tristan's ludicrous website http://www.oxfordorganist.com/
  

• The Village, Tudor Artifact or Cutlery Game

• The J&J team's curse to forever use the women's loos.
  
• John's unforgettable reviews on films (pronounced 'porno') and entirely forgettable Thought of the Day.
  
• Text in if you just heard a man scream.
  
• This just in. A fat man has lost weight and is about to eat again.
  
• In that track Justin Timberlake and your mom played triangle.

RECIPIE:

• We made Love Chocolate live in the studio. Ingredients: flour, wheat, water and oat. Stir fabulously.
  After 5 minutes throw away. Oh. Sorry. Give to a homeless person.
  Then lovingly unwrap some chocolate and enjoy.
  
  Oxide Radio. First in the field for pornographic cooking.